The Inspector Wears Skirts

 

The Inspector Wears Skirts (Top Squad) Directed by Wellson Chin 1988.

Cynthia Rothrock aka the female Chuck Norris early in her career did mucho kick ass buddy cop flicks, this one starts off with exploding ninjas and an impressive choreographed battle. 

When you see that Golden Harvest logo it means there’s a high percentage you will be pleased. The slipcover art is impressive. The skirt unit are an illite fighting team training their butts off for something, it’s not clear yet. 

campfire circle jerk?

The girls in the bunker talk about urine. This movie has lots of toilet humor and for some odd reason Nazi jokes!! The subs are very different from the English language version. 

Ricky Lau from Mr. Vampire shows up as a lunch worker. He gives one girl he deems over weight a raw egg. Ohh shit----it’s an old school roller rink where one dude with a ball-cap screams Heil Hitler! I have no idea why? 

The egg represents your ovaries

The Nazi wears overalls too, I thought I’d mention this. There’s more off-putting poop talk. We are in the clutches of a Golden Harvest production so we’re not safe! Wow---we’re treated to a rockabilly musical number as kids dance and clap. 

Rockabilly is thee real "Devil's Music"

The girls say Yes, Madam to their superior which reminds me where’s Cynthia? And also there’s a series of films with Michele Yeoh and Ms. Rothrock that carries that title. 

She's not your fuggin punching bag dude!

I feel bad for this Amy character played by Sandra Ng. The Nazi who dresses like a 4 yr old plays slap fight with her and busts the poor gal's lip. It’s all in good hijinx or the comedic timing of SKIRTS.

Heil Mayor McSleaze

The all girl squad look down on individualism which is fucked up. Amy and the Nazi loser hit the dance floor. That’s right we’re in a nightclub now. Coke is definitely a sponsor, the beverage not the stimulant. The girl's attack a cheater and scar his hand with a heated up metal pipe. 

SWOON!

Rothrock returns after an hour! She shows up wearing acid washed denim. They reveal her character name as Madam Law. 

CAUTION REAL FLAMES!

There’s a goofy Police Academy training montage. It’s pervy but there’s no nudity, it’s violent but in a comedic way. I recommend watching the English language dub because the dialogue is very entertaining (it differs vastly from the subs). If you liked this one there are 4 sequels to look forward to. Shing Fui-On the actor from Blue Jeans Monster appears as a thug. The last battle has a blonde guy who does "monkey style" kung-fu. The fight choreography is fuggin wonderful!

It's streaming on Tubi and 88 Films offers the physical media blu-ray with extras. I watched the interview with Rothrock (who still looks stunningly beautiful currently).  

2026 the fall of Amerikkka

 Here we go descending into madness that was 2025 but we're in a whole New Year! VS is churning out Warner Archive shit in dazzling hefty slipcovers w fancy new art. So re-buy it you bitch hog and fund cult movies on physical media. This year I'm going to create more and fear less. The End is nigh or is it? The Orange buffoon's reign of terror can't last forever, he will perish like so much congealed McDonalds lard slithering down the drain.

CLEAN THE GRILL WITH YER FACE YA PEDO KKKLOWN!

When I wrote for Monster and WC there was a no politics rule but that was pre 2016. I've always been a lefty (figuratively and literally), it's my Psychotronic Video influence. After I stopped reading MRR, I noticed the Michael Weldon publication devoted to Bird is the Word and Ghoulardi worship starting to alienate its own readers. Right wing people took offense at the jabs toward W./ Cheney/ Rumsfeld's enhanced interrogation bullshit. And here we are now in 2026 these idiots are attempting to trigger armageddon,

 YES! We were warned the 80's class war would return if we elected Pepe the frog/ aka washed up reality show con meme Orange festering hemorrhoid. Maybe it was prophesied like in Nightbreed or the Omen, somehow I couldn't stop it even if I tried. Did the public listen to the warning signs in all the movies we devoured mentally or were we distracted by everything to even think or escape? Probably. Is it too late, no, I don't believe so.

So far the raddest thing about 2026 to me is how Shaw Brothers gore flicks (which we reviewed on all sorts of dingy back alley formats) keep popping up with proper releases. Boxer's Omen, Seeding of a Ghost, Hex after Hex, Bewitched, Oily Maniac and Black Magic 1&2. The one I'm really dreaming to one day see restored is The Rape After (which is Golden Harvest). The Shaw Bros titles are also streaming on Shudder which is cool that they are exposing others to global Asian gore. 

Sorry I have been struggling with writers block and thinking of abandoning this blog but I put so much of my guts into it. I plan on forcing myself to write and create more to drown out the misery that is life during these dark times. My hope is that people will throw away this MAGA cult and get mental help. The whole nation is suffering under the tyrannical cankle of a thin skinned baby with tiny hands and an even more minuscule penis.

So there's no real review here, just a welcome message for the new year. Last year so many terrible things happened personally to me in my life. I need to exorcize these demons and bad vibes for good.

  

Perdues dans New York

Perdues dan New York (Lost in New York) dir. Jean Rollin (1989). 

This movie contains no vampires, but is magical nonetheless. Smoke a little reefer before you watch it! There’s spooky white faced masks, the Gumby and Pokey concept of entering a book and the novel becomes your own reality. 

Gumby enters books like a French inhaler

The Abitbol sisters are the two young girls that tell the story of what’s happening. They become young adults and walk around early 80s New York which looks very clean for some reason. OK, I lied. There is a vampire, a white one who haunts the dreams of New Yorkers. 

these fake teeth are painful

For those that fetishize vintage Marquees we get some juicy juice shots of The Running Man (87) and The Hidden (87). Now that's some of that prime Tad's steak burnt up that way I crave it! 

What's French for rubbery steak?

The female characters names are Marie and Michelle there’s a color scheme of white and red and they show footage of statues throughout the city all the while spouting poetry in the usual Rollin trope. They show the authentic subway, it looks very claustrophobic. Two women meet up in Coney Island. This part comes off like a home/vacation footage movie. Why do I like it so much? I’m just a big fan of this director and if you are too, you get it! Now where's that Rollins band film nerd t-shirt tribute to Jean Rollin?

it's over at the snobby douche store on Criterion.com

 Moon goddess possesses this really sexy black woman to take all her clothes off and start dancing. We are treated to some full bush. Criterion Channel (which is where I watched this) has become like I predicted in 2012, the biggest purveyor of smut going! I wholeheartedly approve! There's so much globally in common with what Chas Balun sold in his catalog as there is on the Criterion Collection/ Channel, what is going on? Has the depravity and unravelling of culture made these once despised films high art in the demented society of 2025? You tell me!

I can complain and most likely will but that's my right as a film snob! But keep doing what you are doing Criterion/Janus Films, you are supplying me with many Deep Red titles to review. All the rare HK shit that used to be on shady porn sites is now viewed in a respectable light and it rules. Well, this naked dance goes on for a while, but it is hypnotic.

This one is for weirdo JR fetishists like this reviewer here. All others stick with classic Rollin fare. Redemption/ Kino have the blu-ray on the same disc as Dracula's Fiancee. It's also available to watch on the Criterion Channel and funnily enough for free on YT. 

I lost my pants somehow

Steve Miller's ABRACADABRA mural

little French girls dropping acid? FOR SHAME!

Night of the Juggler

 Night of the Juggler Directed by Sidney J. Furie/ Robert Butler (1980).

This is a must see lost NYC scuzz classic that’s part Hardcore (1979) and Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 (1974) but is still very original. Some have compared it to Taken (08). 

There are many note able cult stars, beginning with James Brolin in the gruffest ex-cop/divorced Father role. His daughter Kathy Boyd is played by Abby Bluestone who appeared in only one other film Little Darlings (1980). She basically has the worst birthday of her life starting with morning hotdogs and then an afternoon abduction arm drag, face first through the city. 

Just look at all the smut oozing from the Deuce theaters!

Cliff Gorman (who looks as if he has a glass eye) is a total spazz in the titular role as "The Juggler." He proclaims how he "Juggles the books", hence the film title. In the extras, they mention in the novel, written by William P. McGivern that he cuts jugular neck veins and that's how this psycho acquired his name. Gorman sometimes channels Caeser Romero as The Joker, cackling and hootin it up!

Night of The Joker?

 I remember Gorman as the Hollywood Blvd cop with the heart of gold who "schools" Angel (1982) in how to be a narc. Gorman's character Gus Soltic is a racist child molester (just like the current President)!

I signed the Epstein birthday card too

Richard Castelano or Clemenza of "Godfather fame" gets a prominent part as a dopey Italian grizzled cop. I like when he almost pukes after hearing the ingredients of a frozen yogurt bar! 

So That's what's in Larry Cohen's THE STUFF, WHO KNEW?

Think of all the 42street infused films and add this one to your next watch along. They truly showcase the Deuce Marquees and the dark flavor of 1980 era NYC. It’s really cool that this lost film is now available in top notch condition! I believe Juggler is in league with other scuzzy classics like Cruising (1980) or Vice Squad (1982).  

Dan Hedeya as Sgt. Otis is at his most unhinged as a shotgun toting maniacal bastard cop! He looks so much like Nixon, it’s a trip! Oh and he course played Nixon in Dick (1999)! He’s not even the main threat because this city is crawling with so much vermin its suffocating! 

I heard that MAGA Batman villain Roger Stone has a tatt of me on his back

There’s soo much going on during the chase scenes, it never slows down. Who knows if they had permits but it all makes for supreme authenticity.

Sharon Mitchell the short haired porn maiden from many docs and Maniac (1980) is one of the booth girls at a peepshow. I’d like to hear the background story of the "porn chic era" on the Rialto Report if it exists. 

No more Tokens? I'm outta here!

James Brolin is in full throttle Amityville Horror (1980) mode racing through the pre-Giuliani scorched NYC streets. He has yet to appear in that aforementioned haunted house shocker yet but he literally broke his foot during production. I like how Brolin’s character is consistently called a “punk”! More punk’s should grow beards and look like the band who wrote "Dog Police" at least in my world! 

Cliff Gorman’s racist character makes a statement about red-lining and they show real bombed out locations harnessing the specter of gentrification. There's a timeless message that's getting all the more prophetic in 2025. One of the first times I heard of this underground gem that’s returned from the depths of obscurity is on templeofschlock in 2015. Let's not forget, Mandy Patinkin plays an ass-kicking Puerto Rican cab driver, I love that actor who later starred in Alien Nation (1988) and Princess Bride (1987).

Finally the last cult star who shows up to chaperone Mr. Boyd to the rescue of his daughter is Julie Carmen in one of her first acting roles. I loved this movie, having never seen it before I was super impressed. I blind bought it having heard of it's cult status and it never disappointed. I'm certain it's available to stream on Prime but I urge you to not support Mr. Space rocket penis Beeswax man and DO support brick and mortar record stores that carry it and Kino Lorber. KL have been delivering the trashiest goods, long may they reign!

AVAILABLE TO BUY HERE

The Iron Rose

 

The Iron Rose Dir by Jean Rollin. starring Francois Pascal (1973).

Jean Rollin is a director I tend to favor over his mutant Spaniard twin Jess Franco! Lately I’ve been digging the latter. Not that they’re related but as as avid watcher of Euro-sleaze with psychedelic music I see them as rivals or on opposing teams. I highly doubt they were even in competition. As if they’re Bela Lugosi vs Karloff or Argento vs Fulci! Ha--what nerd drivel, take that shit over to reddit!! Iron Rose is a rare Jean Rollin in that there’s no vampires present. Let’s not get too far ahead in our travels through the dilapidated French countryside just yet. I rented this and another title that escaped me, called funnily enough The Escapees (1982). 

This film begins at a family gathering where our two characters form a close bond ignited by some poetry. I’m such a champion of JR that I convinced the dept. that Rollin needs his own title card at the record store I work at. Sure--why not have a Bozo the clown looking person walk through the graves?!! OK movie what else you got?

This Dystopia album cover makes me horny

The two lovers strip and fondle under the tomb. This is all morphing into some kind of sick joke. I’m along for this ride so far. Now it’s dark and the couple is trapped and they start to panic. I’m hoping that clown might show up to devour them, its jaws dangling with meat and cocaine. 

Point me to the primo beef and booger sugar

Karine, the main woman wears all these fashionable checkered shirts, she has very sharp cheekbones almost like the queen of cheekbones herself Janet Agren. Francoise Pascal was also in Burke and Hare(1972).The big eared dopey boyfriend played by Hugues Quester manhandles her into submission and I’m pretty sure this relationship is over. 

It's over when I say it's over Crank!

They play screamey power games with each other in the dark graveyard. And yes, not much is going on but I am still awake and for sure want to see where it leads to. Oops---I was wrong because the rough stuff was their foreplay for sex among skulls and bones in a pit of jagged rocks. Some of this reminds of Nekromantik (1988) territory. 

I like when Karine says "Don’t worry the dead are our friends"! It didn’t take long for this girl to lose her mind! She looks amazing naked on the beach stepping on more jagged rocks—-Ouch! She recites poetry this time by the waves. Have you noticed how much poetry is involved in the storyline, it's only because we're sunken into the dream weaves of the French Vampire auteur. I won’t spoil what happens to her boyfriend (who’s character name is never spoken), but to me he gets what’s coming to him. This in my opinion is Rollin’s most Bergman-esque film. The spookiness by the crashing waves and the hypnotic nature remind me of a scene with Liv Ullman looking at the screen and mournfully speaking about insanity. Kino Lorber has a Blu-ray available and I've seen other Jean Rollin titles streaming on Tubi and Hoopla. This one is hard to find streaming however and I think it's worth a watch even if there weren't any vampires.

Terror in the Aisles

 

Terror in the Aisles. Directed by Andrew J. Kuehn (1984).

Before taking notes I forgot that I already sort of kind of reviewed this movie on Kindertrauma but click the link here to see what I mean.  

This is basically an expanded version of that aforementioned letter. ENJOY.

 This is a film that had an overpowering effect on me as a youngster. You need to see it at a certain age to not think it’s just panders to the genre or that its merely a clip-show. For the gore-hound not yet jaded by it all, this is a perfect sampler. The technology to see everything known to man didn’t yet exist which is why I’d imagine the blu-ray turned some people off who’d already seen the films covered. This one taught me about rare films of the time like Vice Squad (1982), MS.45 (1981), Nighthawks (1981) and it had offbeat ones like The Seduction (1982) with Morgan Fairchild. Growing up in the suburbs in the 80s I saw this on WDZL channel 39 in South Florida. That channel was thee shit back then. On that station is I also saw Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) and Re-Animator (1985) 

In middle school I subscribed to Fango and did a report on horror movies of all things. My classmates cackled during the scene where Linda Blair did the white-eyed demon dance and screamed "FUCK ME"! I brought in a VHS dubbed copy to school. I’m fairly certain I saw these snippets before the actual William Friedkin sacrilcious puke-fest.

The first movie they show clips from during the Donald Pleasance narrated start is When A Stranger Calls (1979). I remember as a young child my mom turned the sound off of this film. She said, the music is what makes it scary! It took me a long time to watch this early Carol Kane stalker thriller and it’s an unexpected treat. This review will tend to veer off into other movies terrain because this is in essence a horror compilation. I saw clips of John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) in this before I viewed the original, SHOCKING I KNOW!

The frenetic editing rhythm turns into a guessing game of how many films will you need to see later or which ones can you name. I remember setting my VCR to record Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) because I saw clips of it initially in this film. I guess I owe “the aisle”, a valuable teaching tool this review at least or a ritual sacrifice--not! 

Fred Asparagus aka Joe Mama Besser exploded drummer of Spinal Tap and the barkeep in Three Amigos (1986) is hysterical as one of the ghetto theater shouters! They perpetuate an ethnic stereotype in this scene that people of color shout at the screen in urban grind houses. This is that bit of racism that wouldn’t fly today in 2025. Or would it? Billy Crystal even made a joke about this bullshit! 

Nancy Allen looks very attractive in a news anchored way. Jaws (1975) clips interspersed with Halloween (78) clips happen. Donald P. drops Dr. Phil style psychology on yer ass in an unwarranted off-putting way! ICK! Hey, let me outta this theater I’m going to the lobby to get a snack! 

They include huge chunks of The Marathon Man (1976) which is a powerful film but not Horror. At the time I was dabbling in special FX makeup to emulate Dick Smith, Rick Baker or Tom Savini three of my heroes. Smith did half the makeup for the films featured herein including Marathon Man (76). The Psychotronic review of this compilation was from the perspective of someone who’s seen these films separately verses this being the entry point. In today’s world that’s virtually impossible. I haven’t read other reviews of this but watching again as an adult I can seen why people might think it’s a waste of time.

TITA gave me ideas on what to watch next and made me crave more and more horror/action flicks. So in that respect it’s sugary sweet mush for your brain. Two action series they include are Jaws (75) and Alien (79). This is where I first discovered Wings Hauser in his most famous role as Ramrod in Vice Squad (82). This was the very first clip I ever saw Rutger Hauer in as the global terrorist Wulgar. Terror I believe was making a point that action films can also be traumatizing and fit in with horror too.

Hauer Vs. Hauser

 Midnight Express (78) is another great example of a tense thriller with horror elements. You should take this mixtape as a crash course in cult movies. Jack Sholder’s Alone in the Dark (82) shows an extra unhinged maniac played by Martin Landau. 

they don't give Oscars to assholes--oh wait!

Nancy Allen parrots the 80’s mentality that these films exploit women and they for some reason show a classic like Whatever Happened to Baby Jane (1962). Jamie Leigh Curtis bumps into hospital walls, as Jack Nicholson terrorizes Shelly Duvall’s character in that Stanley Kubrick cabin fever epic. The clips of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (78) reminded me of how I initially saw this and then the Mad Magazine parody before I even watched the 70’s remake. I wonder if Nancy Allen felt uncomfortable narrating sex scenes from slashers. They rag on sex work too when a clip of The Cat People (1982) with Lynn Lowery is shown. Plus we get Jane Fonda looking at her watch in Klute (1971). Now there’s a film I have yet to see. 

It seems sacrilege to me that they rescored movies like MS.45 (81) or Midnight Express (78), Dressed to Kill(80) too---"Hell No Pino Grigio, I mean Donaggio" but once again I was totally unaware!!! This is before I heard their brilliant scores yet because I was probably in the 6th or 7th grade. DVDs barely existed and the internet had yet to ruin culture. Oh yeah and if spoilers trigger you don’t bother watching, most of the juiciest moments are exposed, punchlines are answered. I saw this one clip of Phantom of the Paradise (74) with Beef in the shower hit in the face by Winslow Leech's plunger before I even watched the entire thing. 

The goofiest, slap happiest moment of all is the MTV style music video called “They’re not very nice"-Larry Weiss. The synthy tune celebrates animals attacking humans and how the world is sick and they're used to it. 

Pleasance warns us not to leave the theater and go home all alone. Someone should've warned him not to go to Italy and make shitty movies (that I love)! 

I think in today’s horror community this mentality that says gore movie fans are psychotic maniacs is long gone. Horror nowadays is more accepted than ever and perceived even further as coming from an all inclusive point of view that’s accepting of the other. That’s why we now have Queer horror and more open and honest perspectives on this misunderstood scene. Woke minds are re-evaluating old classics. In my mind horror tells the future and regurgitates culture, it reflects on what we all fear in an enjoyable, cathartic way. Each Splatter film's goal is not to harm but to heal. Scream Factory released this on Blu-ray in the plague year of 2020.

RECOMMENDED FOR A 9-13 YEAR OLD IN A PRE-INTERNET WORLD. ALL OTHERS WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK.

City on Fire

 

City on Fire Directed by Ringo Lam, starring Chow Yun Fat (1987).

A butcher knife stabbing with gangsters running wild at a swap meet ignites the flame of this Ringo Lam cop drama. This was the movie that inspired Tarantino to create Reservoir Dogs. So far I don’t see it but what hasn’t old Mr. foot fetish/Oscar winner ripped off from the Far East? 

Right off the bat the film is littered with sunglass wearing black tie gathering attired gentlemen. Chow Yun Fat plays his standard bad-azz cigarette dangling undercover cop role brilliantly. The victim in the 1st scene was an also a narc that was killed in a jewelry heist, right now he’s in the morgue deep freeze. Ski mask wearing thugs break into a bank office and stab the mgr’s hand to make him cough up the safe code. This is part of the "on fire" trilogy which includes School on Fire (1988) and Prison on fire (1987). Coming soon you’ll see the others in the series reviewed on TOG. 

Mr. Yun-Fat’s character has a girlfriend, they hop in the shower together and their banter is all toilet driven. Yuck what a scene! The comedy is subtle among the head kicks and blasts. There’s a Cabaret singer that looks like an Asian Etta James, they sing the search montage led by Chow. 

Heh heh funny?

There’s copious amounts of cigarette smoke trickling around in this flick. The cheesiest part of this flick is the cornball jazz! Chow is strong armed into going undercover to intercept the jewelry thieves that stabbed his partner to death. Bony and tiger are some of the ski masked thugs who wield razors and knives with their standard issued guns. Cop cars start flipping over and then are sprayed with extinguisher liquid.

Eradicator!

Poor Uncle Kwan, one of the most sympathetic characters is aged out by a kid in his 30s! This drives him to literally drink himself to death.The scene in the graveyard reminds me of The Onion Field (only idle threats happen not fatal ones). The wire that Chow wears and the mailing tape sticking to his skin--EEeek! That part seemed inspired by Midnight Express (1978). The undercover Narc posing as a gangster is the only connection this and Tarantino’s first movie. Plus it's so much more than that and the ending is very satisfying. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Shout! Studios is giving this the 4K upgrade and it's coming out next month. 

hey good looking we'll comeback later

I can't, this corpse smells funny

we also can't charge QT with plagiarism