USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK: A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell!

"A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell"(1990)

Director: Brett Piper 

Writer: Brett Piper
Stars: Paul Guzzi, Linda Corwin, Alex Pirnie

Review by: "Machine Gun" Kristin

So far, "A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell!" plays like a fully-clothed porno, meaning, what the hell's the point? I think they may have been way too inspired by the music video, "Walk The Dinosaur" by Was(Not Was). Or Was it? 

and maybe decided to make a full length movie based on the video game for "Primal Rage".

It's Troma, so there's zero respect for sanity of their audience. Their movies are 9 times out of 10 an hour and a half too long. haha. I can't hate Troma too much because yes, they're mostly terrible movies, but they're still important. I guess it's reputable under the guise that anyone (and they mean anyone) can be a filmmaker and that's something to behold for sure. No idea too dumb, no plot too thin, no special effects too not-so-special. The Ray Harryhausen style animated monsters (by Brett Piper and Alex Pirnie) sprinkled throughout here in "Nymphoid" were so adorable! haha. 

Gawd this movie is terrible. I'm going to make a rule for myself never to choose the movie based on extremely long, deceptively interesting title. Reminds of the other movie related rule of thumb of the past; never to rent "big box" horror movies at your local video store. I'm not sure if that was always 100% true, but it's still entertaining to think about. For example, my first thought when it comes to big video boxes is a copy of "2000 Maniacs" which I guess in comparison is actually a "good movie" haha. 

The whole movie's explained in the first 2 minutes but I actually forgot about it by the time I got to the ending. I'm not the only one, the film abandoned the storyline too. Basically, a barbarian girl (Linda Corwin) is one of the last women on earth after a major nuclear war that ended civilization and the remaining animals morphed in those awesome animated monsters I mentioned before. If there was an edit of this movie with nothing but those monsters, that would've been way better! The title is pretty deceiving in that there is yes, a couple of icky attempted rapes (not initiated by our female lead, but the gnarly cavemen wandering about), but nothing that would define a nymphomaniac of any kind. 

The music score kept reminding me of "O Holy Night" so I had this bizarre caveman adventure Christmas theme going on in my head for a bit. hahaha.  Hey, at least this movie's mostly set at the beach (somewhere in New Hampshire apparently), so we can enjoy the scenery. A great way to sum this movie up is the first comment on YouTube where Troma has graciously uploaded this video for all to see. Commenter Douglas Berry says: "I sometimes ask myself, why am I watching this? Is my life so empty I'll watch any moving picture? I guess so......"

I rate this movie 3 creatures 🐲🐲🐲  for the FX

1 pile of poo 💩 for the rest of it

USA UP ALL NIGHT airings of "A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell!"

Season 3 | Episode 5 (18 January 1991) A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell/Young Nurses in Love

Season 3 | Episode 69 (31 August 1991) Joysticks/A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell 

WATCH HERE (Thanks TROMA!) 

BUY HERE!

There's actually commentary on the DVD by Director/Writer/Creature FX Brett Piper. Would love to hear that! 

Yor Hunter from the Future

 If you need a beefy actor for your action film, you call Arnold Schwarzenegger, if he's not available maybe Jean-Claude Van Damme, if he can't do it perhaps Dolph Lundgren. Well you get the picture! All of these guys are to good for your shitty adventure film so it looks like your stuck with Reb Brown. Reb plays Yor, the mighty blonde barbarian who wears a medallion around his neck which holds the key to his past.(like Lonestar from Spaceballs)
 I will say that out of all the movies I've seen Reb Brown in, he's in top form physically. Unfortunately when the film begins that doesn't save him from looking like a goofball running down a mountain to the awesomely bad theme song Yor's World by Guido and Maurizio De Angelis . He looks as if he's going to lose his balance at any second.

"After I smack you, you'll be a Dino - Sore!"

Yor starts his day by saving the lovely Ka-Laa (Corinne Clery of Hitch Hike, Story of O) from a paper mache triceratops. Ka-Laa and her faithful guardian Pag (who looks like the Mentors' singer El Duce) take Yor back to their village. A few minutes later and the village gets attacked by some grubby cave dwelling tribe.They destroy everything and everybody except for our three heroes. Well maybe two heroes, Ka-Laa doesn't do to much except look good half naked. Pag at least has some skills with a bow and later we find out he's a pretty damn good trapeze artist.(that scene is priceless)

"What did you say your name was again, Ator?"

"I'm in the 4 -F Club."

Yor fights these cavemen and floods their beloved home(the caves), later he battles a rag clad fire worshiping tribe known as sand-people(insert Star Wars joke here) who worship a beautiful blonde women named Rea. Turns out, Yor and Rea are from the same race.(the blonde race perhaps?)They team up and fight their way out to freedom. When Yor reunites with Ka-Laa and Pag the addition of Rea creates a love triangle. Ka-Laa becomes jealous and cock blocks Yor every chance she gets! If this film was directed by Joe D' Amato instead of Antonio Margheriti, I'm sure the two ladies and Yor would be getting along just fine and enjoying a menage a trois within minutes. Luckily for Ka-Laa some remaining cave thugs who survived the flood show up and kill Rea giving her Yor all to herself.

Geico is so easy, that even a caveman can do it.

"Before I die, slip me the tongue!"

Yor and the gang discover another village, which of course is destroyed in minutes after they arrive but this time by lazers coming from the middle of the ocean. Yor takes a boat in order to see where these lazers are coming from and discovers an island run by a fellow known as Overlord (John Steiner). This  island is like no other with all kinds of technological advances and a deadly droid army. Is Yor any match for the Overlord and will he discover the mystery of his orgins there? Watch and see!

All Aboard, the Turd-tanic

"When you were little you starred in a reality show called Honey Yor Boo."

Infamous fat man on a trapeze scene

This film grows  on me every time I watch it. Sometimes the low budget action can seem tedious other times it can be a hoot depending on your mood. But if "yor" into Conan clones or even the occasional Road Warrior apocalypse knock off film then what are you waiting for? "Yor" in for a real treat!

7/10 on the CULT-O-METER
Recommended

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