Black Cobra (Eva Nera)

Black Cobra (Eva Nero, Emanuelle Goes Japanese,Erotic Eva) Directed By Joe D'Amato 1976

All aboard this Chinese/Italian manicotti barge stuffed with broken nails, shrapnel and wasted talent. I went in with zero expectations so I wasn't pissed off or anything, just alittle confused and annoyed. Bruno Mattei is the editor (never a name I can rely on) and Piero Umiliani (the Mah nam ah Nah guy) did the score, but nothing could elevate this beyond a dull soft-core flick with a dash of revenge thrown in. 
   Skunkape has a degree in Joe-D'Amato-nomics and is an expert on all things Emanuelle. I'm pretty sure he's watched every sequel at least three times in a row and digs the hell out of all of them. And if you're thinking this is a snake bestiality movie then surprisingly--that is for D'Amato--this time you're dead wrong! 

Please don't frighten my trouser snake, It was just in the pool 

   Laura Gemser, the Indonesian seductress basically plays herself in every film. You know what you're getting into when you fire up a Joey D flick! This time however snuff films are not used as a masturbatory device, George Eastman is nowhere to be found and there's no cannibals or drug smuggling, only sexy Emmanuelle gyrating around with serpents. 

Meh, I've seen bigger

   Sound exciting? 
   Well if that's your bag then look out, because you also get Jack Palance as a collector of exotic snakes. This is Gemser's third unofficial Emanuelle film after replacing the white one (Sylvia Kristel) when she starred in Black Emanulle (even though she's Asian). The series didn't hit those taboos exploitation fans have come to rely on just yet. Gabrielle Tinti (Gemser's real husband) plays Jack Palance's brother. The last time I saw Gemser and Tinti was in the superior Massacre in a Women's Prison, he played Crazy Boy Henderson. 

I know there's a language barrier, but this is definitely not a suppository

   Palance is in full "Believe or Not" mode and like almost everyone in this film just brings whatever he has to the table, zero acting ability, only spit, grit and presence. 

Jack Palance plays Judas a rich playboy lizard collector who's infatuated with Eva (or Emmanuelle) and tries to get in her pants anyway he can, but has no game at all. The rugged square jawed Oscar winner was great in The Mercenary (with Tony Musante), and spent a lot of time over in Italy early in his career doing various Spaghetti Wests and Poliziotteschis. He's not above appearing in schlock, which I respect and later on he appeared in one of my favorite proto-slasher's Alone In The Dark as an escaped lunatic who brings a handgun to a punk concert.  
   While all the men try to figure out how to sleep with her, Eva is busy at her job on the beaver patrol (or having lesbian sex in massage parlors). 

this will help cut down our water bill

   For late night Skin-A-Max fare this one is totally phoning it in, there's none of the depraved shit we've all come to expect from joltin Joe D'Amato. Eva hops in the shower with one blonde and they wash each other's bikini zones (if I was twelve this would've made my weekend). Then immediately after they feed a live mouse to a snake and it ingests the poor specimen lickity split (this is the most depraved the film gets, sorry to say).

   Jules (Gabrielle Tinti) gets jealous enough to sick his brother's green mamba on Eva's lover and she dies from the bite. Everything about this film is all cheesecake and depravity handled with kid gloves, maybe they toned it down because a big time actor was on set, who knows? Snakes are used as weapons in this film, which is pretty cool, but it's not enough to recommend it. After a long career of baring it all for the cameras, Laura became a costume designer for D'Amato and Claudio Fragasso (she dressed up the Nilbogs) and as far as I know fell into obscurity. She will forever be immortalized in her role as Joe D'Amato's ingenue for his cathartic perversions, a down and dirty bisexual journalist who made the exploitation film genre a little more shocking.   

NOT UP TO SNUFF WITH THE USUAL GEMSER/ D'AMATO PRODUCTIONS, SKIP IT!

     

The Other Hell

aka Guardian of Hell (1981)

Director Bruno Mattei takes a "stab" at the nunsploitation genre with some success. In 90% of the nunsploitation films I've watched  they're always padded out with scenes of lesbian soft core and since I'm not sixteen years old I find them to be quite dull. The Other Hell ignores all the sex and delivers lots of cheap gore instead. What motion picture is this director trying to imitate? (this is Bruno"the hack" Mattei we're talking about) None! To my knowledge. However, he does steal Goblin's score to D'Amato's Beyond the Darkness and uses lead actress Franca Stoppi from that very same film. He also takes the Goblin album Roller which is not a soundtrack and makes it in to one by using a track or two!

Franca Stoppi in Sister Act 3: Raped by a Demon

 The Other Hell is about strange supernatural occurrences in a Monastery. Father Valerio (City of the Living Dead's Carlo De Mejo) is sent to investigate a string of paranormal activities that have even taken the lives of a few Sisters that live there.  A masked phantom roams the building with her pet cat and is usually near by when these strange things happen. The eccentric Mother Vincenza (Stoppi) was raped by an demon and this mystery figure is the offspring. When she was born, the Mother Superior tried to destroy the child by throwing the infant into a pot of boiling water (lobster style) but the child's evil power saves her and she kills the Mother Superior by forcing her to strangle herself.

Father Sherlock Hopeless

"Sorry, I only breast feed grown men."

"Cover my eye, I can't watch this crappy movie!"

"An illustrated recipe for baby soup, yum."

Some of the nuns there are even conducting experiments in a secret lab. One of their studies consist of cutting out a dead Sister's vagina. What could Sister Mary Mr. Wizard be doing with that beaker full of green liquid?

Are these Nuns Catholic or "science"tologists?

I stayed away from this title for a long time because of countless reviews calling it boring and stupid. The pacing is quite slow and it is pretty stupid but it still managed to keep me entertained with its sleazy story line and gore. With familiar faces such as Stoppi,, De Mejo, and Franco Garofalo (Hell of the Living Dead) and a Goblin soundtrack, how can you go wrong?

RECOMENDED

7/10 On the CULT-O-METER

"Ahhh, Hemroids from Hell!"

Theater of Guts

Tribute Trailer

Interview with David Zuzelo of Tomb It May Concern

Hello Creeps, It's your old pal Cranky here! Today on TOG I'm dressed in the carcass of Andy Rooney for my interview with David Zuzelo, a former Deep Red writer and current Franco-phile, Mattei maniac and Lindberg obsessive. I urge you to buy a copy of his book on Italian Action, Exploitation flicks called Tough To Kill! (click the link below and purchase one).Also visit his highly entertaining blog Tomb It May Concern 

First Issue Dave Appeared in

1.how did you meet Chas Balun and how do you view the legacy of Deep Red magazine

I was, like every other horror fan that was reading, hypnotized by Chas' enthusiasm in Gorezone and Deep Red. He was selling tapes back then, but I never actually ordered anything until attending Fantacon where he (and Dario Argento) had set up shop. After some spirited conversation, of which there really wasn't any other type with him to my experience, he told me to get off my ass and write up what we just talked about. That was the Fulci piece "Splintering The Mind's Eye" for Deep Red Alert. Wow! did my first draft stink, but Chas. was beyond helpful, even getting me an Italian copy of the "rare" Murder Rock to watch. It was a total blast and inspired me to write and share my passion for completely trashy cinema, just as he did. Of course, I always was looking to watch the stuff that Chas. HATED! just as much as the films he loved. That is how much his energy infected me, I wanted to see the DOG flicks really badly.

The infamous Bow-wow rating

Deep Red's legacy is pretty massive in my eyes. It took the scholarship out of the equation on the surface, and rabid enthusiasm was the order of the day. But Chas. knew his shit and wasn't afraid to pick sides about movies and chop up and serve sacred cow sirloin at any time. He added a voice to fandom that never tried to toe the line other Fangoria publications seemed to try to keep. The "OH MY GOD HALLOWEEN 4 IS GONNA ROCK" followed by "OH MY GOD HALLOWEEN 4 IS TERRIBLE NOW THAT YOU HAVE SEEN IT" stuff that made me crazy was gone. Good on all the editors for bringing Chas. to all our homes, and in turn bringing Deep Red to my attention. Plus, I read the Deep Red Horror Handbook until it broke into pieces.

Bruno Mattei: I make no apologies!

2. What is the worst film by Bruno Mattei in your opinion?

 Worst Bruno Mattei? No such thing, they are all equally Bruno. If you go from his most loved classics, I would say that Zombies: The Beginning is equally entertaining and his tireless drive in the exploitation field makes his filmography above criticism from me. Least favorite maybe? Can't come up with one! It's a case of what you are looking for. I really enjoyed some of his off kilter comedies like the Cicciolina flick and the immensely awesome THREE FOR ONE where a nerdy chick crushes the tools that mocked her by making them beg to get in her pants. I'm not a comedy guy, but Bruno could make me laugh!

 

it's a Psychedelic Franco Freakout

3. What are some underrated films by Jess Franco that people should re-evaluate?

Franco is endlessly up for re-evaluation if you ask me. The presentations of his work have changed a lot over the last 15 years, and we still have nice discs that don't show off his best work such as the Erotic Rites Of Frankenstein preserving the softer cut. For under-rated I wrote a lot about the One Shot films of the 90s and still enjoy them. Red Lips is really crazy! Also, some of those nutty 80s comedy things with Lina as Lulu Laverne are unique and entertaining. So much is lost in the language translation, I give them a lot of extra credit. And no matter what Lina looked like, Franco always shot her as the most beautiful woman in the room, it's amazing to watch!

the sultry Lina Romay

 4. What do you think are some of the most ripped off films in Italian exploitation cinema besides The Warriors or Escape from NY?

I guess I'd say the Rambo/Merc/Cannon pics boom of the 80s is my favorite "rip off" cycle, but I've always wanted to create a line of EuroShark Blu Rays. You can't beat recycled sharks and Hulk Hogan wannabes battling "Tigah Shahks!"

Stay off my beach Brother!

5. Top 5 favorite Christine Lindberg films

 Thriller-A Cruel Picture for all, I have a really deep passion for the film that I still chuckle thinking about carrying cash in my sock on a plane flying to meet Bo Vibenius to get the rights to release it. Christina is just so iconic, and Thriller is the best showcase of that. I like 'em all, though I don't think she ever really commands the entire film like Thriller. The vacuuming scene in Wide Open is pretty great, and I love the forced English on her and her Japanese companion in Sex And Fury. Bonus? She is incredibly nice in real life and has as much grace as she does style and sex appeal!

just hand over that sock full of money

6. Please talk about your blog, book and any other projects you have coming up

 My blog is athttp://david-z.blogspot.com and has been online for about 6 years, and it's my third web space. It's really just a place for me to catalog my obsessions du jour. Tons of Lina n' Christina, Jess n' Bruno and of course Joe D'Amato. I also co-authored TOUGH TO KILL with Paul Cooke some time back. It covers loads of action films from directors like Mattei and Bava and featuring the beefiest dudes of the 80s blowing up huts. I say follow your passions and Reb Brown screaming JAKODA!!! is one of them. You can get copies here:

http://www.lulu.com/shop/david-zuzelo/tough-to-kill-volume-1-italian-action-explosion/paperback/product-2530590.html

I've been lucky enough to work with some of my heroes in the last few years, including Dan Taylor at Exploitation Retrospect and Tim Paxton and Brian Harris on Weng's Chop. I'm finishing up a long and HARD look at Joe D'Amato porn of the 90s. Can my penis survive watching almost (or more than) 60 porn films in a month? We'll see...

Thanks for the chance to chat, I hope everyone can share just one bit of their enthusiasm for the weird and wacky stuff that makes our hobby / cinematic dumpster diving so much fun!

All the best,

David Z