Night Patrol (the Unknown Comic movie) Directed By Jackie Kong, Starring Linda Blair. (1984).
You know Murray Langston, the famous unknown comic with the paper bag over his head, this is his big movie. Throw in Linda Blair (who gets topless) and retches when she hears curse words, wacky dubbing, the director of Blood Diner, man this flick has got it all. It's especially funny if you hit up your local dispensary or your favorite beverage / valium combo. Murray plays Melvin White, a mustachioed cop out on the beat, it's all very Naked Gun, Police Academy-ish only a lot more silly and retarded. I guess you could say they were aiming at hitching their rinky dink wagon to the Copsploitation trend but that never really took off. Plus no one really gave a fuck about the Unknown comic besides really geeky people I might be scared of.
Burt Reynolds style centerfold
Billy Barty is the police chief, if only he ended up in an Amir Shervan vehicle as yet another angry grizzled boss yelling at the Samurai Cop or Hollywood Cop. Barty was great in Being Different a mondo freakshow that just showed up on Amazon Prime, check it out before it's gone.
"Ready for that mustache ride!"
Andrew Dice Clay shows up too as a Travolta clone, this was years before he became the misogynistic comedian that we all know.
John Revolta
Pat Morita gets raped and talks like a girl, I can't make this shit up folks! It's somewhere treading on a sea of stupidity and mediocrity and some bad poetry. I loved it maybe more than King Fart! Many of the actors here went onto do voices for The Rugrats for some odd reason like Pat Paulsen, who plays the officer tagging along with Murray, he also was on The Smothers Brothers as The Jolly Green Giant. Skunkape as a little primate saw this on cable and his parents made him close his eyes during the steamy parts.
Guy with bag on head gets kicked in the nuts.
The scene that inspired a young ape.
Another Unknown Comic now takes the 5th grade talent show by storm!
One of the screenwriters Bill Osco is responsible for one of the most traumatizing flicks I remember Skunkape torturing me with in TV Production school Gross Out. That fuggin monkey even had a home made T-shirt based off the VHS artwork, which I remember seeing at Video Waves, a porn and cult movie store I used to frequent. Osco's biggest claim to fame is handling the production on Flesh Gordon (1974), which is incredible that basically a soft porn parody of a kitschy, camp masterpiece was even noticed by anyone but that was the 70's, everyone was wacked out on something!
"Is that a Twinkie in your lunch bag or you just happy to see me?"
"I like cops, comics, and polish vampires."
live action Dr. Katz
"This is my audition for the role of Bilbo "Bag"gins. HA!
Mondo Pazzo Directors: Gualtiero Jacopetti, Franco Prosperi
Reviewed By Machine Gun Kristin
My first impression of "Mondo Pazzo" came from a trailer tacked onto an episode of USA network's, "Reel Wild Cinema". It was almost a companion series to TNT Monstervision, which in its later years was hosted and written by Joe Bob Briggs. "Reel..." however had the Something Weird catalog behind their cinematic choices. "Mondo Cane" the first in the series of these Italian exploitation documentary films in the early 1960s. "Cane" even has a soundtrack that can somewhat easily be found in thrift shops next to usual, endless cast-off records such as the discography of Ray Coniff. Even more bizarre is that "Cane" is considered a "hit" at the box office with a theme ("More") that's been sung by pop music giants Frank Sinatra and Andy Williams among many others. Riz Ortolani, was the go-to mondo film guy and of course handled the electro-stress freakout score for Cannibal Holocaust.
The film opens with a dry-voiced (courtesy of Stefano Sibaldi) explanation as to why the first film ("Cane") was banned in England. The narrator reads on about how they've decided to use its scene cruelest to animals in the very beginning so that censors basically don't screw up the tone of the film. The deadpan vocal delivery of this is almost mocking while we see real dogs having their vocal cords altered to reduce their barking. It's a very upsetting visual. From there, we view more dogs being unnaturally colored to match dresses for a fashion show. Most bothersome is the literal dragging of one dog that refuses to walk down the runway. The scenery is basically British Pathe fashion videos on acid.
Cringeworthy Kisses For Sale
We see the earlier days of drag, seen not so much as a modern art form, but a terrible secret kept from their children. There are cakes made to resemble full dead bodies that are devoured by kids. Tortillas with a light splash of salsa, are then filled with live bugs and quickly eaten. The diners even take a moment catch the escaping flying bugs and toss them back in their mouth. Bleecchhh. They only slightly explain this as basically a revenge killing to these flies that are dangerous to Mexican crops. Even early in this film, I'm already saying out loud to myself, "what the hell is going on?!" Then my eyes are assaulted by old men paying for kisses while air purifying their mouths and unhinging their dentures.
Yay! It's fake!
There's actually one non-disturbing segment that shows photos being created and set with scenes of fictional horror. It's pretty fascinating and fun to look at it. The models are sprayed with fake blood, and phony knives protruding from their chests playfully. It was great to have a nice break for a few minutes. Then, we're roasted once again on the fires of the "awesome panorama of human behavior". Followed by scenes more dog torture, Italian guys ramming their heads into a garage door, and an insane scene of an artist in flames painting a portrait of half naked Satan and his entourage.
Satan's entourage is a bit like Vince and the gangs, accept not on HBO.
I'm sure "Pazzo" is small potatoes compared to other notorious "is it real or not?" style shockumentaries such as "Faces Of Death" and others. "Cane" is considered of the first shockumentaries and from what I was reading actually harder to watch than "Pazzo". One of the filmmakers, Gualtiero Jacopetti (who also is responsible for the unsettling "Africa Addio"), admitted though to recreating the scene of a monk lighting himself on fire, despite how horribly realistic it appears. The rest of the chilling scenes I can't say for sure if they're real or not. Phony gore is much easier to handle, we know that the actors can be healed again once the scene is complete at filming. Their blood isn't really shed across the wall, an artist created that fluid using their creativity and ingenuity. When you know it's real, your stomach begins to turn, your brain casts a shadow of sadness but thankfully you can look the other way in your own home.
