Coming up next month is Theater of Guts' tribute to USA Up All Night, so what better way to lead into that then with a movie that features Rhonda Sheer! She has a really tiny part as F.U.Z.Z.Y. but this is still some really darn good segue!
What the heck is F.U.Z.Z.Y. an acronym for? If I ever find out I'll let you know!
"It's going to be tough to stay up all night when you watch this one!"
It's still a run down apocalyptic world and Frogtown is just another ghetto. After Sam Hell messed up the green bastards and took down Commander Toty last time Frogtown has remained peaceful. Things can't seem to stay that way apparently. A frog called Czar Frogmeister is leading an uprising, he's kidnapped a Professor Tanzer who's being forced to create a serum that will turn everyone in the world green. Commander Toty is also back, he's been reconstructed with a robot head! The almighty Frogmeister is also trying to genetically engineer frog people to create a new frog army. His one and only experiment was a failure. He made a frog that can talk but won't grow, he's only about a foot tall and goes by the name Frogmeister Junior. Junior is a puppet and really is the JarJar/Eddie Deezen of the film always making dumb comments and speaks in a goofy high pitch voice. This character must have certainly paved the way for another Donald G. Jackson turd called Rollergator.
RoboToad
Green's Anatomy
"Hi Ho, Eddie Greenzin here."
The original Hell Comes to Frogtown was on USA UP All Night and is a cult classic loved by millions. Rowdy Roddy Piper was Sam Hell (you knew that) but in this low budget sequel he's played by none other than Rob Z'Dar. This is a welcome change in my book, however Z'Dar delivers every line as dry as possible playing the movie just so straight. This really could have been his time to shine but I guess his giant acting chops just weren't cut out for a leading role. His character is no longer supplying sperm to populate the world, he's a Rocket Ranger, which is basically a policeman with a jet pack. Rocket Rangers are the ones that keep the frog people in check, also back working with the Rangers is Dr. Spangle now played by Denise Duff. All the characters seem to suck the fun right out of the corny concepts that the movie has to offer except for Brion James who plays the professor. He's so over the top that it makes the performance too weird and really not all that funny.
"You two smell like pond water!"
"Why isn't it easy being green?"
If I may take a moment to address something about character actor Brion James. You know him and love, him he's worked with mega stars such as Harrison Ford in Blade Runner and Louie Anderson in Wrong Guys :) , but whats with him and Pterodactyls? In a brief cameo in the film Blue Sunshine he does an awesome impression of one at a party then years later he stars and produces in a film called Pterodactyl Woman in Beverly Hills. And That is the Brion James Pterodactyl connection!
-Skunkape, you're stupid he's doing Rodan not a generic Pterodactyl!!!-
Frogtown II still has lots of eye candy showcasing recycled frog masks from the first, cool desert scenery, and it has a strong supporting cast (Don Stroud, Linda Singer, Charles Napier, Lou Ferrigno) but is it enough to make it worth your while? I did say Lou "The Hulk" Ferrigno" but you won't even like him in this when he's not angry. The Frogs claim to be meaner and greener expressed in a heavy metal concert performed in one of the frog bars that I must say is pretty damn entertaining. After this, things for the world of Frogs got much worse with Donald Jackson's shot on video poop Max Hell Frog Warrior and Toad Warrior. If you're a post nuke movie fan or a Rob Z'Dar enthusiast then take a chance on Return to Frogtown, sit on your lily pad and whip up a peanut butter and fly sandwich and enjoy the show!
Is this Toad The Wet Sprocket?
A sure way to get genital warts.
"The Frogmeister!, making copies, Froggy, Frog- atola"
Samurai Frog Cop
I can't recommend this so
5/10 Fruit flies that are eating the 5/10 bananas!
The End of The Wicked (1999)
Directed by: Teco Benson
Written by: Teco Benson (screenplay), Helen Ukpabio (story) Review by: "Machine Gun" Kristin
I discovered "End Of The Wicked" through a user made list of movies on the website, letterboxd.com. The list is titled: Atrocities, Odditites, Trash, Trippy, Religious, Tinfoil Hat, WTF, The Worst in Film & Video and boy, is it ever. haha. After sifting through over a thousand films in the list, I found some hand painted posters produced in Ghana. I recently researched these strange film posters, which are displayed and preserved in a nice space in Chicago called the Deadly Prey Gallery. There, you can look at the many different types of movie posters, all pretty much the same style, painted in oils onto hand sewn flour bags. The poster interpretations of American films (mostly action and horror) are just as strange as you may have anticipated if you're familiar with other bizarre foreign posters from countries such as Thailand or Poland. The Ghana posters are in wide, gruesome brush strokes and make some movies look way more interesting than they actually are haha. I couldn't help but be reminded of the "The Mutilator" drawing from the art classroom scene in "Ghost World".
"Oh. I thought maybe this was supposed to be your father."
The thin plotline of "End Of The Wicked" consists of a group of Nigerian shape-shifting Beelzebub worshippers with what looks like hamburger meat plastered onto their faces. Their Lord is a white face make up covered man with a hairy bloody chin and Fat Albert's voice. He commands them to retrieve enough blood to fill a lake in 24 hours, although this goal is never achieved. The dialogue is either difficult to understand through bad audio and thick accents, which ends up being really unintentionally funny. In one scene, where a group of children are being initiated into the Satanic cult, a girl is told to "blow up all electronics in your home, drink bleach, glasses and then cause fever and failure to all of the children in your home"
Beelzebub's Glamour Shot
The sets look to be decorated from those terrible large shops that say "antiques", where everything is brand new, dark pink, fake period piece style chairs, and particle board entertainment systems. Bleecchhh. Or better yet, they hired the set decorator from one of those strange religious shows that sometimes pop up on broadcast TV, with the giant desks and potted ferns in the background. I'd imagine this movie is a cross between "Black Devil Doll From Hell" (which I still haven't seen yet) and "Mystics In Bali" for the absurd special effects and bizarre, super awkward perverse scenes. In "Bali", the floating head (with organs intact), eats a baby right out of the womb, whereas in "Wicked", we're assaulted with the visual of main character Chris' Satan-worshipping mother (aka Lady Destroyer) raping his wife with a giant magic penis. Fun! Even better, we're somehow treated to not one, but two scenes involving bloody crotches! Yay! I feel like I should be running down the "drive-in totals" like Joe Bob Briggs there are so many wacky things in this gawd-awful movie. In one scene (brought to life in a GIF I made below), the evil children summon a plate of inedible looking pasta on the back of some poor guy while he's trying to sleep. After they devour it with their bare hands, the man wakes up in major back pain. So gross. Later, this same man is subjected to his eyes literally popping out of his head in a dream and he wakes up blind. I'm not even 100% sure what he did that was horrible to deserve this, but he ends his life by stabbing himself to death. He definitely made somebody in this movie mad.
"I Wanna RAWK!"
Meanwhile, our main man Chris is (unbeknownst to him) still constantly being tortured by his witch mother throughout this movie. Until he's finally transformed into a goat and his throat is slaughtered. They appear to have actually sawed a poor goat's throat to achieve this scene and it is gruesome and horrible to watch. Speaking of real life horrors, this movie was concocted by Helen Ukpabio. She appears in this film as a pastor who I guess is supposed to save everyone from evil, but that doesn't seem to happen. This film was produced by Ukpabio's company called Liberty Foundation Gospel Ministries and it's basically Christian propaganda. She's a wealthy evangelist that apparently through her teachings has influenced many to abandon and sometimes actually murder their children believing that they are in fact witches in disguise. There is a documentary on the subject called Dispatches Saving Africa's Witch Children on YouTube. There's a barrage of very negative press about her career and her bizarre teachings. She was actually banned from entering Britain in 2014 and she has sued the British Humanist Association (BHA) for defamation for basically twisting her words around. BHA's reply:
“The fact that she is threatening to launch a legal claim for half a billion pounds over an alleged distinction between being accused of exorcising "Satan" or "Vampires" tells you all you need to know about Ms Ukpabio.”
Completely crazy!
Watch "End Of The Wicked" (in two parts, first part linked here) HERE!
