The Arousers

The Arousers (Sweet Kill) by Curtis Hanson Starring Tab Hunter (1973)

  The beginning looks like it was filmed in French's Yellow mustard-scope or urine stained hobo mattress pee yellow. In the first minute there are two busty girls taking baths and lounging around while someone in the shadows is sniffing panties. Impotent Tab Hunter (kicks his girlfriend into a dresser and accidentally kills her). John Waters must have been aware of this film (he's always ahead of the curve) and possibly had him in mind for Polyester after seeing this sleazeball film. The shot composition is well thought out and effective for such a shoddy looking production. Tab disposes of a body among the rooftop with loud pidgeons squawking in the background. Angus Scrim (with a lot of hair) plays one of the neighbors who nails a pigeon coop shut.
     Tab Hunter plays Eddie Collins (coincidental name from Poor Pretty Eddie), a milk slugging high school gym coach who distributes free sex advice to teens. A groovy housewife with one of the most bland 70's apartments comes onto Tab. He acts very somber around women and the source of his murderous intentions are his own impotence. At first this one reminded me of Love Thrill Murders or Joe but it sadly let me down. Tab walks along the beach and broods (reminiscent of Seconds?), but then the editor abruptly cuts and now he's violently thrown into the next scene; staring at a cheesecakey blonde (a Something Weird Video strip tease looking girl). She wears a veil to bed while Tab clumsily takes her clothes off. This is the first hint that he might be a necrophiliac. A dopey hippie girl gets busted by the cops (I'm still not sure how she is connected to anyone else in the film). Tab gets in the shower with some girl, but as soon as she gets naked, he eerily hides out in the dark and slashes her with an electric knife. He stabs her off screen and calls her a slut. Like Norman Bates (or Ed Gein) he can only get sexual gratification from women once they are dead. 

YUCK a girl!

     A busty, totally naked woman with a towel shows off her body and then disappears (this is a Roger Corman insert that was added after the Sweet Kill moniker tanked). There are random busty naked girls inserted into the film at gratuitous moments (thanks Roger!) and people were actually complaining! like this film had any integrity to begin with!? 
     There is a lot of abrupt edits which get kind of annoying. One girl attempts to get him excited by saying "pretend I'm your mother" and he spits in her face! The new scenes seem out of place ( the non naked girl ones that is) with the original ones from "Sweet Kill". Shout Factory is going to put this out soon on a double feature disc with Naked Angels. It really drags toward the last few minutes and the film gets really dark. The first and second half seem like two very different movies and there's less dialogue and little explanation as to what's going on. The source of his problems and urge to kill are obviously his impotence but it never takes us anywhere further. In the end the film forgets what direction its going in and basically slows down to a crawling pace, just before one final violent stabbing. It's an awkward forgotten movie that isn't really special enough to merit a rediscovery. 
You can stream it here LINK

Too Yellow?

BOOOYYYYYY!

Francine Fishpaw you're my Polyester queen

Delirium: Photos Of Gioia

Delirium: Photos Of Gioia Directed by Lamberto Bava. Starring Serena Grandi. (1987)

            Lamberto Bava is a filmmaker with a scattered legacy of cinematic duds and triumphs, Photos of Gioia is alittle bit of both. Possibly the dumbest film he’s ever made is Devil Fish (which I’ve only been able to sit through during MST3K). He struck ghoulish paydirt with The Demons series, which are brilliant! He’s sort of become a joke between Skunkape and I for awhile so as a gesture of “Hey he’s not such a shitty director” Mr. Ape sent me this flick in the mail.

            It’s drenched in euro trash fashion model sleaze. It’s got the same Argento influences of overly foreign actors and cheesiness, but not much blood (which would make it an overblown Italian skin flick). There are tons of photo shoot happenings in crystal blue shimmering pools at gaudy mansions in the high fashion world of PussyCat magazine! Serena Grandi is spectacular to look at and makes this dopey semi slasher film watchable. She resembles an Italian Jane Mansfield, working in a Bold & The Beautiful type soap opera atmosphere. She hangs out with Daria Nicolodi (who thankfully is dubbed), her husky voice never was able to reek havoc on the ear drums (that is until she is interviewed and had acted in Mother Of Tears, by far her dumbest role). There are tons of creative lighting and over saturation of trashy fashions (that as a red blooded American male I am unable to understand). The film is asking waay too much for a horror fan and seems geared toward late night Skinemax. It is in the catalog and Chas Balun mentions that there’s more boobs then blood.

             There is a killer loose stalking Gioia and her models. The first suspect is this pervish “Rear Window” tribute character (who totally looks like Richard Ramirez). He prank calls her and says yucky shit over the phone like I’m gonna explode on your flower!

            There is some hilarious office banter at the offices of PussyCat magazine and Gioia (Grandi) is the head entrepreneur. Her rival is a pearl necklace wearing stuck up woman, who I like to refer to as the “Shark Bitch”. She wants credit for making Gioia’s career and calls her whorey and fat. She says great dialogue like “Be careful the hate of a woman can be very bad!” She is pissed off that a former hooker like Gioia has gotten so far in the porn industry and their competition against each other reminds me of Kevin Mccarthy and Weird Al’s rivalry in UHF.

            The first victim has a giant veiny eyeball taking up have her neck and face. She looked like a Madball  or a Nightbreed monster. The killer sees his victims in different Halloween masks, but you have to guess what exactly you are looking at, it’s alarming and unintentionally funny. The cheesy wah wah guitar (score by Simon Boswell) adds more to the goofiness. The Cyclops lady’s corpse is manipulated and shot with a camera in front of a back drop of a giant half naked photo of Gioia, incriminating her.

            Serena Grandi bumps into her former boyfriend George Eastman, who looks like he just walked off the set of Iron Master. They later get it on in a soapy tub, with gratuitous boob shots. Her Richard Simmons lookalike boss walks in on them, he dresses like a combination of Michael Jackson “Thriller” era with a Bill Cosby sweater.

Sorry I ate your baby in Anthropophagus

            The second victim looks like 80’s porn star Christy Canyon, this time the photo shoot looks like two Eddie’s from Powerslave era Maiden grope her among a sci fi location. After getting getting it on with Richard Simmons look-a-like guy she gets attacked by bees. Before that happens she does a full naked strip with a bee mask on while the insects sting her to death.

Slave to the power of Vag!( sung to the tune of PowerSlave)

            A lot of bullshit happens and it drags on a lot (there’s that dull Lamberto pacing), but the killer does finally show his face and he looks like Jello Biafra wearing Robert Smith’s makeup. There are many scenes of eroticism with weird objects (knives, blue light saber) and finally everything turns out OK for Gioia. Her creepy stalker comes to her rescue and the Shark Bitch bails her out, The End. The main draw for gore fanatics is the cheesiness of watching Italian horror actors that have starred in better films and if I were twelve I would’ve been excited to stay up late and catch this naughty monster mask flick, but I guess that part of me still appreciates this kind of filth.

Nice review over at this great blog called House of Self Indulgence

Available on DVD (not sure about netflix) hopefully it will turn up on Youtube!

Burial Ground

Burial Ground: The Nights Of Terror (Zombie 3, (Le Notti del terrore) Directed by Andre Bianchi (1981).

            During the pre internet world this film sat on video store shelves and bootleg catalogs in complete silence. No one you ever knew confided and exclaimed “Holy Shit check out this zombie film with a dwarf in a bad wig who tries to fuck his own mom!” If someone came up to you first you’d wonder if they were mentally ill and second, you’d wonder why you never bothered to watch it before! I obviously am in the second bracket and one night got really wasted and dialed it up on Youtube (on my Roku).

            I have to mention the internet (and the Peter Bark Myspace profile!) for turning a reluctant interest to see this film into a drooling ravenous pile of slop. The Peter Bark references litter the internet like dead probes in outer space and unplugged satellites. There are so many that you’d think everyone in America had sat down together around the couch and enjoyed the zombie/ incest antics together! That’s why the masses must remember that the internet never reflects the real society. It’s probably a very small mutant community. I recommend mixing as many substances as possible while watching this one because its insanely fun!

            Andrea Bianchi had obviously wanted to ride the maggot infested pasta yacht and hitch his tugboat up to Fulci’s, Romero’s and become the new Zombie king! I think he owes more to a dwarf in his 20’s wearing a dime store wig cast as a preteen then Giannetto De Rossi (who handles the zombie efx here and in the Fulci films). The zombies look like they were baked in a giant sized Thing Maker.

I can't handle all this fame!

Giannetto De Rossi's secret weapon

Where did my other glass eye roll off to?

            Peter Bark has invaded the internet and there are tumblr’s music videos and blogs devoted to his legacy(he’s almost as famous as the keyboard cat!) Check out this fun music video

The box cover on the video looks exactly like Fulci’s Gates Of Hell and has a Ken Foree like tagline (“When the moon turns red, the Dead Shall Rise”). The zombie makeup is incredible and they all have their own signature personalities (they look like a Mercer Mayer drawing covered in mummy flesh). If I didn’t know any better I would believe that Fulci ghost directed this flick, because it has all those familiar elements; like overdubbed unintentionally funny dialogue, walking flower pot zombies and a haphazardly throw together storyline. The only red flag is the incest, which makes this film so strange and gives it a D’Amato feel! It comes out of nowhere and ends with old Barkey taking a gory bite out his mom's titty. Maybe if I re watched it sober and tried to over analyze it into some kind of metaphor that the director will most likely invent, I could, but I’d rather just enjoy this train wreck and not sort through the mangled bodies and rubble.

Hilarious review at Kindertrauma

Watch the entire thing here LINK

Why I never!

No Autographs please

                        

Criterion Smut Part 2

               
                  As I was looking through the catalog I noticed that I had missed a few titles that have since been re-released by Criterion, like Vengeance is Mine, In the Realm of The Senses, Jigoku and an honorable mention of a naziploitation classic The Night Porter. At the time all of these films were available on laser disc (most likely owned by Janus Films). Out of the 5 titles in my mind Nagisa Oshima’s In the Realm of The Senses is the most explicit in terms of nudity and graphic violence. It depicts the true story of the murderous lovers (hacking and slashing at each others genitals) and is based on a case that happened in the 30’s. It has more in common with Nekromantik then Yasujiro Ozu’s work. This film was banned in oppressed nations that weren’t ready to handle its heavy subject matter. The castration scene didn’t help much either (full review coming soon). The basic premise is about two people involved in sexual obsession, they challenge the boundaries of morality and oppression and go to extreme levels of depravity. the director was also making a radical statement against his own work enduring this treatment. The film should come off tedious and dull like most other “erotic thrillers, however it is often captivating and brilliantly constructed and the generic subtext never over shadows its power and the pornographic level of art house style shields the brunt. No other director would be able to pull this off and many have tried and their work only achieves awkward giggles. In the Realm Of The Senses came out in 1976 and was very ahead of its time.

This is going right up your butt

               Vengeance Is Mine in the catalog is compared to Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer by Balun, I plan on rewatching the film, but I’m pretty sure they are not comparable. Made in 1979 by Shohei Imamura, a colleague of Oshima. Imamura also directed "Profound Desire Of The Gods" that film had amazing colors and takes place on an island. Vengeance is based on the true story of serial killer Akira Nishiguchi (played by Iwao Enokizu), who finds solace with a bordello madam and succeeds in exploiting her but in a mutual fashion. 

           The ideology of many of Imamura's  characters remind us of our own uncivilized primative nature beneath. A film like “Vengeance” is a  forefather to serial killer classics like Miike’s  Ichi The Killer and Cold Fish. This unflinching objective narrative paved the way for others to be more outrageous and in some ways are more graphic then the those that came later.
           As I had briefly mentioned in part one of Criterion Smut, when Sam Fuller directed White Dog in 1982 he had no idea what kind of shit storm was about to unleash its vengeance. The NAACP just getting a whiff of the subject matter decided to boycott Paramount and the controversy created a rift and forced everyone to distance themselves from the project. This was Fuller’s last american film, the idea was rejected by the confused public, who fanatically attacked an idea without ever seeing a frame of the movie.  This film shares the same denial of the American censorship board and proponents of The British Film board run by Mary Whitehouse (who was lampooned by Pink Floyd (on Animals) and Peter Walker in his film House Of WhipChord). These puritanical tyrants are afraid of films just because of their lurid content and hideous covers (without seeing anything on film). According to IMDB many of the executives were on board (like Michael Eisner former CEO of Disney), but deserted Fuller once the controversy emerged. 
           Another important element of the Criterion label is the fact that many of these films have gone for outlandish prices on Ebay, but once they were available in the best format possible, it destroyed all the crooked bootleggers and inferior copies of the film. The ban on White Dog madly enough was lifted in 2008 and this also was based on a true story that originally ran in LIFE magazine.

            I have yet to re-watch Nobuo Nakagawa’s Sinners Of Hell (Or Jigoku), but like my review of his other film Ghost of Yotsuya, I fell asleep many times trying to watch it. I know that’s a shitty endorsement, but often the challenging films are very rewarding. Michael J. Weldon of Psychotronic called it one of the precursors to the godfather of gore; H.G. Lewis and in my mind it’s a must see (again). 

        You are getting very sleepy (drink more coffee)!

               I added The Night Porter as a bonus film (or honorable mention). I mean it is a naziploitation that missed everyone’s list. I loved the Ilsa She Wolf of The SS series, but this one just bothered me. I could not buy the premise of torture and sadism between Charlotte Rampling and her former Nazi commander. Charlotte Rampling (Zardoz) has had a bizzare overlooked career as well in Nagisa Oshima's Max Mon Amor, she attempts to romance a handsome ape! There is another bestial romance flick in the Deep Red catalog, Tanya's Island with Vanity, I mean why not include the Rampling film, which seems more classy than trashy!  

           In Liliana Cavani's The Night Porter I couldn't accept the the S&M roleplay of Nazi and Concentration camp survivor exchanging places, it creeped me out too much and the extermination of a few dozen races used in as a sexual device didn’t appeal to me (then why did I like In A Glass Cage or Star Of David: Hunting for Beautiful Girls)??? I think the main reason was because those other films are not presented in a Nine in a Half Weeks/ titillating cheese cakey way, like this one is. It takes it’s subject matter grimly serious and that gets under my skin. It left me nauseated and pissed off and I wasn’t satisfied with that feeling. I don't lose sleep over it either and many high brow "head stuck up their own ass" critics praise it for its audacity much like Birth Of A Nation is regarded a classic by some.
           Two omissions that deserve to be included in the Deep Red catalog are by the same Director Kaneto Shindo they are Onibaba (1964) and Kureneko (1968) two Japanese cinema classics that were designed to turn your blood from red to grey. The menacing look of the masks influenced William Friedkin for the look of Pazuzu in The Exorcist. A more involved review for both films to come later on down the line. There are many films in the catalog that have no gore, it's all about paying respect to the classics. And if it wasn't for Chas I never would've bothered to watch a western with Candice Bergen called The Hunting Party and now I tell everyone how fucked up it was! Criterion recently put out Eating Raoul and its a good start, but in my mind they need to get back to churning out the sleaze! 
Half of these are available on Hulu check them out!

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

Shot for sale at Chop Top's site

 Texas Chainsaw 2. Directed by Tobe Hooper, Starring Bill Moseley. (1986)

                  So what am I trying to accomplish by reviewing an overly picked over sequel that half of the population assume has already been remade (I bet it’s in the works), starring no name teens and a former video director? Because first and fore most its in the catalog (unrated and outrageous too coin the ChunkBlower trailer), also I just watched it on the big screen and think it deserves to be re-evaluated!

                   Bill Moseley steals the entire film and over shadows poor catcher mitt face (I mean Bill Johnson’s ape like version of Leatherface). Yes it is Leatherface in love, or bride of Leatherface, the bride being Caroline Williams as Stretch. Bill Moseley’s entire career in an eggshell is an overblown but dead on Edwin Neal impression and he’s successfully carried Rob Zombie’s carcass toward fame and glory and good for both of them, they found an untapped market and like my humanities teacher claims “The brilliant writers steal”. Am I implying they are plagiarizing Tobe Hooper? Possibly, but then again he’s abandoned his own style like many other former genius directors and look what it’s gotten him?

                  Authentic Texas culture is represented through out Chainsaw 2. Big Red Soda is on every table, among the entrails, yuppies are drinking Shiner Bock, Kinky Friedman has a cameo role (a nationally known Texas Figure) and Joe Bob Briggs (his seen got deleted though). Lou Perryman plays L.G. a character who is so addicted to spitting that even when his face gets torn off he continues to spit. Sadly in real life Perryman was murdered by some idiot (read about it here) 

                  Tobe Hooper took the Sam Raimi approach and basically remade the first film in a vivid unhinged cartoonish way (even though it is still a sequel). This mutant inbred clan keeps spawning new children and Chop Top, a Nam vet with a Sonny Bono wig and a metal skull plate is the Hitchhiker's twin brother. He requests “In-a-Vida-Degada by Iron Butterfly at the radio station freakout. The family of Ed Gein’s are more accepted among society (Jim Seidow is an award winning chef), but watch out for those hard shell peppercorns! One of the best lines he gives as he gets chainsawed up the ass is "damn that sure cured my hems!"

Gratuitous Chainsaw sex 

                 The film opens with a chicken car race verses two maniacal yuppies (who apparently have no break line in their vehicle). They hear the yankees demise broadcast over Stretch’s city folk radio and decide to retaliate. The family is too inbred to recall that letting grampa handle the killing once again is a terrible idea. The Cramps are on the soundtrack, but the rest is lame junk (like Timbuk 3 and Oingo Boingo) 

                 Meanwhile Dennis Hopper is shopping for chainsaws and making his way toward the clan’s compound which looks like a cross between Bussey’s fleamarket (where I've seen Nazi weapons and prostitute licenses for sale) and a nuclear fallout shelter. Hopper is out to avenge his late retarded brother Franklin (whose skeleton is even fat)!  Tom Savini’s effects are impressive as usual, this film and Wiseblood could have a contest too see which has the most quotable lines used in songs. Some films are best seen once, but I always felt I should’ve revisted this one and I’m glad I did it with an audience during a screening, because it truly makes a difference and hopefully cult theaters will out last video stores.

 Available for Rent over at Netflix

The Cynic, The Rat & The Fist.

 

The Cynic, The Rat & The Fist(Il cinico, l'infame, il violento) Directed by Umberto Lenzi. Starring Tomas Milian (1977)

             There are many Umberto Lenzi directed Poliziotteschi’s or trashy Italian police films but only one in the catalog. That title is Violent Protection most of them involve Tomas Milian and Maurizio Merli and all have kick ass soundtracks! (download one right now) 

            The Cynic, The Rat and The Fist is just one motherfucker of a title and apparently the sequel to Rome Armed to the Teeth. I haven’t seen that title or Violent Protection (which is in the Deep Red catalog), but I already know what to expect (seen one seen them all). 

            This one however is the most coherently structured and impressive directed films that Lenzi has ever been involved with. Maybe he actually cares about the material and isn’t trying to cash in on something. Perhaps he wants to make a decent Italian police flick. In this film shades of misogyny are present as a woman’s face is doused with acid. Tomas Milian and John Saxon play brothers and Maurizio Merli plays the pissed off cop trying to hunt them down and bust them for good. The dubbed dialogue in a Lenzi film is always more entertaining then the original Italian translations (but for this film I didn’t have that option). As I watched another film by the same director called “Almost Human” I compared the original language with the dubbed translation and often they conflicted, but it was still very entertaining. Why Chas picked Violent Protection is confusing because this one seemed to have more guts. Ed Mannix who dubs Al Cliver’s (Zombi 2,Murder Rock) voice makes an appearance for this thug looking Dario Argento. I love hearing Al Cliver’s voice in other Italian films dubbing other actors it never fails to crack me up. Italian Police films are often like land mines you might get incinerated but then there are a few good eggs.

 Watch Here

Dario Argento w/ Giganticism

Here's Acid in your face!

Stop sending me fruity drinks!

Dr. Lamb

Dr Lamb (Gou yeung yi sang ) directed by Danny Lee. Starring Simon Yam 1992.

            I hate to do it but it has to be said, so that others might join me in trashing Dr. Lame, I mean Dr. Lamb. I don’t know what anyone  else sees in this boring episode of Chinese CSI? Many critics have regarded this to be a Hong Kong version of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer or Maniac and they are dead wrong. Maybe if you cut out all the scenes of pathos, drama and character development found in the formentioned films and replace it with a dull episode of Chinese NYPD then you’d have your movie.

            Dr. Lamb (played by Simon Yam) trolls around in his taxi (I think they should have played romantic saxophone while this went on). He picks up hookers then rapes them, dismembers them and still this isn’t enough to hold my interest? I’m not some jaded creep either, but it’s done in a tedious way and shouldn’t come off this dull! Other elements that serve to douse the fury are literal broken English translations, which make it laughable, so that is half the battle (blame the subtitle guy).

            The story was based on real Hong Kong serial killer Lam Kor-wan who was convicted in 1982. I have to give some credit to the women who lied still playing defiled corpses, but again it’s sort of funny to watch their still faces while being humped. If they didn’t have twenty police men bumbling around the office questioning the family involved while shouting broken English at each other maybe it would’ve worked better than it did. I’m not here to defend the film and think others should express how bad this highly regarded category III film is because not all of them are winners.

I don't like this episode of Chinese Cash Cab!

Can we get some more police in here!

Available on Instant NetFlix